Funny stories

At the fish hatchery where I work, we have a small display that describes the now-extinct Michigan Grayling (a kind of fish). This summer, I had the following conversation with a tourist:

• Tourist: "Is the Grayling still extinct?"
• Me: "Yes sir, it doesn't exist anymore."
• Tourist: "Any thoughts of bringing it back?"
• Me: "No, I don't think that's possible."
• Tourist: "Why not?"
• Me: "Because it's extinct."
• Tourist: "Still?"
• Me: "Yes."

Frustrated, he left.






My girlfriend and I visited together with her friend in an old churchyard from the 1700s. Among the tombstones was one dated around 1725 that had fresh flowers by it.

• Our Friend: "I wonder who has been here with the flowers?"
• My Girlfriend: (joking) "I guess the widow has been here."
• Our Friend: "Yes, I guess you're right. Who else could it have been?

I was working in a photo store, which specializes in restoring old photographs, when a lady brought in an old picture of a man sitting behind a cow, milking it. 

• Her: "Can you fix this picture for me?"
• Me: "Sure. What would you like us to do?"
• Her: "Can you move the cow?"
• Me: "Move the cow?"
• Her: "I want to know what my great-grandfather looked like. That's him."

She pointed to the feet sticking out under the cow.

• Me: "I don't think we can do that."
• Her: "Just move the cow over, and we'll be able to see his face."
• Me: "I'm sorry. We don't have the technology to do that."
• Her: (getting huffy) "Well, I guess I'll just take this somewhere else."

• Phone Sales Representative: "Ok, now I need the billing address of the card."
• Customer: "But I want it shipped to my daughter at school."
• Phone Sales Representative: "That's not a problem; I can ship anywhere you like, but I do need the correct billing address."
• Customer: "Ok."

I pause, expecting him to supply me with the address.

• Phone Sales Representative: "Sir, the billing address please?"
• Customer: "Oh, were you waiting for me? I'm sorry. I send the payments to a PO Box in Maryland, I think. Do you really need that address?"
• Phone Sales Representative: "No, sir, not where you send the payments, but where you receive the statements."
• Customer: "A statement?" (rustle, rustle) "Yeah, here's one. It's PO Box 2386, Towson, MD."
• Phone Sales Representative: "Sir, is that Towson address you just gave me where you send your payments or where you receive your statements?"
• Customer. "Oh, the statements come here."
• Phone Sales Representative: "And what is that address?"
• Customer: "But I want it shipped to--"
• Phone Sales Representative: "--your daughter at school. Right. But I still need a valid billing address."
• Customer: "Young lady, if you would just tell me what you need from me, I would be happy to supply it."
• Phone Sales Representative: "Where do your credit card statements come?"
• Customer: "I told you. They come from Towson, MD."
• Phone Sales Representative: "Not where they come from, where you receive them."
• Customer: "In the mail, of course! You're not very smart, are you?"
• Phone Sales Representative: "Sir, when you receive your statement from the credit card company and open it up to look at it, where are you standing?"
• Customer: "In my kitchen."
• Phone Sales Representative: "Your kitchen at home?"
• Customer: "Of course!"
• Phone Sales Representative: "Great! And what is your home address then?"
• Customer: (finally supplies the address) "If you just wanted my home address, why on earth didn't you just ask for it?"

Once I helped a friend get online for the first time.

• Me: "Ok, do you have your Internet Explorer ope--"
• Him: "What!? Your Internet EXPLODED?"

He was hysterical. I explained it all to him, but he was still terrified. Later, when I was done showing him how to surf the web, he asked:

• Him: "Are you sure the Internet is safe to use?"