Speeding

A mature lady gets pulled over for speeding...

Older woman: Is there a problem, officer?

Traffic officer: Yes madam, I'm afraid you were speeding.

Older woman: Oh, I see.

Traffic officer: Can I see your license please?

Older woman: Well, I would give it to you but I don't have one.

Traffic officer: You don't have one?

Older woman: No, I lost it 4 years ago for drunk driving.

Traffic officer: I see... Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.

Older woman: I can't do that.

Traffic officer: Why not?

Older woman: I stole this car.

Traffic officer: You what?!

Older woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.

The traffic officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car while calling for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Senior officer: Madam, could you step out of the vehicle please!

The woman steps out of the car.

Older woman: Is there a problem sir?

Senior officer: My colleague here tells me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.

Older woman: Murdered the owner? Are you serious?!

Senior officer: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Senior officer: Is this your car madam?

Older woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.

The traffic officer is quite stunned.

Senior officer: My colleague claims that you do not have a driving license.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.

The officer examines the license quizzically.

Senior officer: Thank you madam, but I am puzzled, as I was told by my officer here that you didn't have a license, that you stole this car and that you murdered and hacked up the owner!

Older woman: I bet the lying bastard told you I was speeding too.