Answering machine messages part 1

Thank you for calling Star Fleet Command. No starships are in the quadrant at this time, so at the sound of the subspace tone, tell us your name, the planet you are calling from and how many Klingons are attacking.

Alpha Centauri Space Station. Commander Marlin can't come to the phone right now. He is either saving the Universe from some dread, unnamed peril, or perhaps taking a nap. Leave your name and number after the beep and he will return your call.

A bubble in the space-time continuum has connected your line to a channel in the 24th century. Any message you leave will be broadcast into the future.

Steve has been captured by a flying saucer and can't come to the phone right now, but if you leave your name, your phone number and your message, I'll have him call you back as soon as he gets away. Read all about it in the next week's National Enquirer.

Hello, this is Jim. Unfortunately, I can't answer the phone right now because I've just come back from the Mirror Worlds and I'm still made up of antimatter, so if I were to pick up the phone right now, the resulting energy release would make Hiroshima look like a wet firecracker. So leave a message at the tone and I'll get back to you as soon as my component particles have been restored to their normal charges.

Bridge, Kirk here.

Starship Enterprise, Uhura here, can you hold please? - Captain, there is a transmission coming in on hailing frequency seven, do you want it on screen?

You have reached the offices of the planet Zarton. All our agents are busy undermining the governments of the Earth and cannot come to the phone at the moment. However your name and number can be left at the tone and a representative will gladly contact you shortly to arrange your assimilation into the new order. Long groblint the ultimate blentstron!

I can't talk to you right now because I was unexpectedly transferred to a Vulcan space ship in the Gama quadrant. I was just leaving, beam me up Scottie!

Borg communications router...unit addressed unavailable...hails are irrelevant... messages are irrelevant... you are irrelevant...leave message if you wish... wait for indicative high frequency acoustic spike... error... error... wishes are irrelevant... acoustic spikes are irrelevant...

(Star Trek theme in the background)

Voice 1: Room 17, the final frontier

Voice 2: These are the messages of Chad's answering machine. It's two sequels mission: to seek out your name and your telephone number

Voice 3: To boldly inform you to wait for the tone.

(Darth Vader voice)

Speak, worm!

Picard: Assume standard orbit, Mr.LaForge. Sensor readings Lieutenant?

Worf: Scanning, Captain... strange... no life forms...

Picard: Recommendations Mr.Data?

Data: Intriguing Captain. Perhaps we should simply leave a message.

(Borg voice) 

We are Borg...resistance is futile...your phone call, as it has been, is now over...your message will be assimilated at the beep... but we are bot home now.... we will assimilate you later.... beeeeep