Spot the difference

Read it twice

A bus stops and 2 men get out. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation.

The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first. But her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say the following:

"Emma come first.

Den I come.

Den two asses come together.

I come once-a-more.

Two asses, they come together again.

I come again and pee twice.

Then i come one lasta time."

The lady can't take this any more.

"You foul-mouthed sex obsessed pig", she reported indignantly, "In this country, we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex lives!"

"Hey, coola down lady," said the man, "Who talkin' abouta sex? I'm justa tellin my frienda how to spell 'Mississippi'. "

(I bet you're gonna read this joke again!)

Boyfriend embarrassment

One night a guy takes his girlfriend home. As they are about to kiss each other good night at the front door, when the guy starts feeling a little horny.

With an air of confidence, he leans with his hand against the wall and smiling, he says to her:
-Honey, would you give me a BJ?

Horrified, she replies:
-Are you mad??? My parents will see us !!!
-Oh, come on! Who's gonna see us at this hour? - he asks grinning at her.
-No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught?
-Oh come on! There's nobody around, they're all sleeping!
-No way! It's just too risky!
-Oh please please please... I love you so much?!? - he doesn't stop persuading her.
-No, no and no! I love you too, but I just can't!
-Oh yes you can. Please?- the boyfriend is desperate.
-No, no. I just cant....
-I'm begging you?...

Out of the blue, the light on the stairs goes on, and the girl's sister shows up in her pajamas, hair all messed, and in a sleepy voice she says:

-Dad says to go ahead and give him a BJ, or I can do it. Or if need be, mom will do it, or even dad. But for God's sake tell him to take his f***ing hand off the intercom!!!

Funny stories

At the fish hatchery where I work, we have a small display that describes the now-extinct Michigan Grayling (a kind of fish). This summer, I had the following conversation with a tourist:

• Tourist: "Is the Grayling still extinct?"
• Me: "Yes sir, it doesn't exist anymore."
• Tourist: "Any thoughts of bringing it back?"
• Me: "No, I don't think that's possible."
• Tourist: "Why not?"
• Me: "Because it's extinct."
• Tourist: "Still?"
• Me: "Yes."

Frustrated, he left.