Jokes

One day, little Timmy was at school and heard the word "shit". He went home and asked his dad for the definition and he promptly told him "coats and jackets".
Timmy went to school the next day and heard the word "fucking", and for a second time, asked his father what it meant. His father promptly said "cooking".
Then, he returned to school the third day and heard the words "bitches and hoes". He went home and his father told him it meant "grandpa and grandma".
Later, on Thanksgiving night, his grandparents came over.
Timmy answered the door with glee and says...
"Hey bitches and hoes! I'll take your shit to the closet cause dad's in the kitchen fucking the turkey!





There was this woman who was a big boxing fan, so she went to the tattoo parlor and told the guy that she wanted a picture of Mike Tyson tattooed on the inside of one thigh, and a picture of Evander Holifield tattooed on the inside of the other thigh.
Several hours later, he announces that he's finished. She looks down at his work, but does not think that the tattoos resemble either fighter, so she decides to get a second opinion.
She asks another customer in the shop, "Are you a Boxing fan?"
"Yes" the man replied.
"Well, could you come inside for a second and answer a question for me?" she asked.
So they go inside the office and she opens her legs and asks, "Does this look like Mike Tyson and does this look like Holifield?"
The man bends over and takes a good, long look and says, "I don't know about Tyson and Holifield, but the one in the middle sure does look like Don King! 



A couple went on vacation to a fishing resort up north. The husband liked to fish at the crack of dawn; the wife preferred to read. One morning the husband returned after several hours of fishing and decided to take a short nap. The wife decided to take the boat out.
She was not familiar with the lake so she rowed out, anchored the boat, and started reading her book. Along comes the sheriff in his boat, pulls up alongside and says, "Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?"
"Reading my book," she replies as she thinks to herself, "Is this guy blind or what?"
"You're in a restricted fishing area," he informs her.
"But, Officer, I'm not fishing. Can't you see that?"
"But you have all this equipment, Ma'am. I'll have to take you in and write you up."
"If you do that, I will charge you with rape," snaps the irate woman.
"I didn't even touch you," growls the sheriff.
"Yes, that's true... but you have all the equipment..."
Moral: Never argue with a woman who knows how to read!